Surprise!

Last Wednesday (September 29th) was a year since my surgery. I went to the Dr on the 20th because I hadn't gotten my period since early August, and because I've had pain in both my ovaries since recovering from surgery. He did 2 pregnancy tests and they were both negative, and prescribed a 10 day course of Prometrium for force my period. He also said that he wanted me to come in for an ultrasound to see what my ovaries look like after my period was over. Fast forward to October 3rd, I attended my cousin's bridal shower where I caught an old friend up on my struggles with the surgery, clomid, and soon an infertility specialist, and enjoyed a couple glasses of wine.

The next day, I decided that because of a few of my symptoms (mostly sore breasts, and fatigue) I needed to take a test. I told my husband to bring one home, and he did. So at 10 o'clock, I was peeing on a stick, definitely not FMU like you should be using! Flash, flash, flash goes the hourglass while the test is doing it's thing... PREGNANT, it says! OH MY GOD, I say!!! I think I nearly strangled my husband when I went out and hugged him. The next hour was spent calling family to tell them our wonderful news...

First thing the next morning, I was on the phone to my OB/GYN making an appointment for that afternoon. My first HCG level was 376, which made me very nervous, and my Dr. said he wanted to see me again the next day to see if it was rising.... So the next day, I drive an hour, one way, to the dr. and 10 minutes later I am back in the car. Good news is that my 2nd level was 842, so it has more than doubled, and my Dr. is pleased and my first ultrasound is scheduled for the 19!

A first step

So, today I go visit a therapist for the first time in my adult life. The therapist is part of phsyciatist's practice, so if it is decided that I am in need of medication, I can go from there. I have my husband to thank for taking this step, as I didn't have the courage to call and make the appointment on my own. I'm still having issues getting over my ectopic in a mental sense, and I also still have a ton of anxiety over whether I will be able to get pregnant again. Hopefully I can work through all of that. I am both excited and very nervous to go to this appointment, but I know I need to go. I've had butterflies in my tummy since I woke up this morning and tossed and turned all night.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving, we are off to my mother-in-law's house in Florida! I'm looking a little forward to hanging out by the pool, and enjoying some gorgeous weather! And then it's back home to the chilly stuff, and only a few weeks till Christmas. Where has the year gone?? After Christmas, we're having a "stay-cation" here in Charlotte, and will be holed up in a hotel for a few days doing stuff that we never get to do, or think of doing because we live here. And hopefully, we'll get pregnant again. After waiting for it for almost 9 weeks, I finally started having my period again, so hopefully we can get pregnant next month! Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

What do you say to a Priest after he sneezes?

The other day, I found myself saying "God bless you" to a priest. It felt very wrong, but since I didn't grow up Catholic, I wasn't really sure what I should be saying to him, and didn't think my husband, who did grow up Catholic, would know, either. I was actually glad that he didn't hear me say it to him. Today, after being up all night, because I'm anxious about my sleep study that's being done tonight, I have the occasion to re-visit this in my head.

The Internet is not very helpful on this matter, except to say that you shouldn't say "God bless you" to a Bishop, or anyone higher, because they have already been blessed by God. Wouldn't a priest also have already been blessed? This is very perplexing... Anyone have an answer??

So for the last week I have been staying with my SIL in Northern NY. I love her and my nieces and nephew dearly, and we have fun together, so far we've gone for walks, one very unsucessful bike ride (one was enough for me) and today, we made apple pies (yum!) However, I miss home, my hubby, and my kitties very badly, and I have 10 more days here. I feel like I'm getting sick, and with little ones around, that is more than likely going to happen. I do have a lot to look forward to when I get home though, a doctor's appointment to make sure I'm healing properly, and then a cruise. I was going to go stay with my Mother in law until Thanksgiving, but I don't think I can now. I need to be with my husband to continue healing, even though my whole family (his and mine) have been very supportive. We are going to spend Thanksgiving with my MIL, and it will be nice to be able to hang out at the pool on Turkey day (God willing, anyway), and also nice to see my other SIL who we haven't seen since our wedding. And then in December, we can start trying again. Hopefully we'll get pregnant on the first try again, and it will be a healthy, normal pregnancy.

This is driving me nuts!

For the last week or so, I have been feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin... But only occasionally, and it's pretty mild, almost like I just can't sit still, and I'm antsy. I've experienced anxiety before, but this is really a new kind, and I don't like it. When I'm feeling like that, I can't stand for anyone to talk to me, I can't sleep, or sit, or lay down. I'm really thinking that I need to go back to my doctor to talk it over... I would like to try something different than Celexa, or maybe Celexa and something else for the anxiety... To top it all off, I had a migraine today, and forgot that I could actually take a Maxalt to relieve the pain instead of having to deal with it...

I'm not sure what to title this post

Let's start off by telling you that I'm 31, married and want children. With that being said, our first try did not go off without a hitch.

I suspected that I was pregnant before I had even missed my period, and took a HPT the day it was due. It was positive! We were over-joyed and spent the rest of the day calling our immediate families. I went to my family doctor the next day to confirm, and get my pre-natal vitamins. I then scheduled my first appointment with my OB, who only wanted to schedule 8 weeks out. I wasn't happy, but everyone told me that the doctors just want to make sure that it's going to be a viable pregnancy, whatever. I started getting lots of rest, eating lots of healthy things, weaning myself off my anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication, and quitting cold-turkey all the things I really enjoyed eating (hot dogs, bleu cheese, cold cuts, etc)... Flash forward to my 6 or 7th week... I start spotting!
I call my OB, and my mother, and my husband's mother, and my sisters-in-law, and everyone tells me that it's common, and not to worry too much unless it gets worse. So I spend the few days barely moving off the couch because I don't want to do anything to make it worse (my paranoia is no one else's fault but mine). Saturday rolls around, and it starts to get a little heavier, but nothing like what I've heard is normal for a miscarriage or anything, so I wait (my appt with my OB is on Tuesday of the coming week, so I figure a few days won't hurt)... Sunday, it's still getting heavier, and I start getting slight cramps and a backache, and finally I have my husband take me to the ER...

Thankfully the ER got me in quickly, because I was blubbering all over the waiting room (I'm an ugly cryer). In our ER, the ultrasound technician is not allowed to discuss what she sees with you while she is doing the ultrasound, so I spent the whole length of that process in the dark, and another 45 minutes or so while the doctor was going over the scans and discussing them with on-call OB (over the bloody phone!). The on-call OB happens to be in the same practice that my OB is so I'm sort of familiar with him... Anyway, we finally are told that I have nothing in my uterus at all, no sac, no fluid, no baby, no anything, but that they see a "mass" up near my right ovary. And my HCg is only at 1000, which is definitely not normal for an 8 week pregnant woman! The on-call OB decided after discussing the results over the phone with the ER doc, that he would do nothing right then, and have me keep my scheduled appointment on Tuesday (2 days later).

The following morning (after no sleep, and having an anxiety attack), my OB's office called me to make sure I had the appointment scheduled for Tuesday. I did, but I was also pleading to be seen that day, if at all possible. The Triage nurse put me on hold to ask the Dr if I needed to be seen sooner or not, and came back and said that she could get me into an earlier appointment slot, but that was all, because the OB wanted to see if my HCg levels would go up. I still don't really know what he was waiting for, it's not like they would have seen a fetus in-utero the next day! In the two days that he wanted me to wait, my fallopian tube could have burst and I could have hemorrhaged... But whatever, I told them to give the earlier slot, but I would be spending the rest of the morning trying to find an OB that would see me immediately!

After about 5 minutes on the phone with one of my sisters-in-law, we had a recommendation for a new OB/GYN practice, and had called them and gotten an appointment for that afternoon! He was very understanding of why I wanted to see someone urgently, and after about 2 hours of blood tests, a couple more ultrasounds and another pelvic, I had the answers that I desperately wanted!

Yes, it was an ectopic pregnancy, and yes, it was still growing. In fact, it grew a half a centimeter from Sunday to Monday afternoon. The OB gave me the option of trying Methotrexate or going in Laparoscopically and removing it, and I chose to do the surgery since Methotrexate can take weeks sometimes and a lot of doctors visits and blood tests. He scheduled me for surgery the following day (Tuesday), and told me that he did not want to wait any longer than that considering that the mass was getting bigger.

Anyway, to make a long story short, but out-patient procedure turned into an overnight stay because I couldn't be trusted to be conciously breathing on my own. They kept having to remind me to breathe... When I was able to see my husband after being in the recovery room for 2 hours post-op, he told me that the Dr. had needed to take my entire right fallopian tube due to the mass being so big that he could just make an incision and remove it. I was shocked, but had been told that this was a possibility.

So now, we fast forward another week and here I sit, a healing, hormonal, ball of mess... I weaned myself off my medication, and now, I don't want to go back on it, even though I know that it will help me get through this just a bit easier...

That is all I have for now... Hopefully maybe someone will read it and feel like it's useful to them...